Things are going well in your relationship and you’re starting to be able to envision a future together. You’re still sorting out your feelings about him…but you’re also wondering how he feels about you.
How do I tell if he loves me?
Is it just puppy love?
Does the way he gazes into my eyes mean he loves me?
Men can be hard to read, but after reading this article, you’ll have a better sense of what his true feelings for you are.
First, Could It Be Love…or Infatuation?
Now, that’s not to say he isn’t in love with you, but given how little you really know of one another, you’ll need more time to “bake” those feelings into love.
You’ve probably heard me talk about the Little Love Steps. Well, it’s not until Little Love Step #7 that you are finally confessing your love for one another. It takes time to build trust, open up, and align your vision about what your relationship will be like. Don’t rush it.
So, How Do I Tell if He Loves Me?
Okay, okay, Adam. I now know the difference between love and infatuation. But how do I tell if he loves me RIGHT NOW?
I hear you. You’re feeling vulnerable because you’re having feelings for this man, and you want to know if you’re alone in that or not. Here are those signs that he is in love with you.
1. He’s Letting His Hair Down
As I said, in the first stage of a relationship, you don’t really know one another because you aren’t fully comfortable being yourselves. You might hide the fact that you’re a jealous person. He might be slow to show his softer side.
But once you are both comfortable enough to be your authentic selves around one another, that’s when the magic happens.
Ask yourself if you feel like he’s comfortable being himself around you. Does he only show his good side, or have you seen the less positive aspects of his personality as well? No one is perfect, but if he’s letting you see all sides, it may be because he trusts (and loves) you.
2. He Finds Ways to Show You He’s Thinking of You
You’re at work, swamped with a project, when your phone dings. It’s a photo of roses. From him. With the message: I know you’re working hard. I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you.
Or maybe he leaves a message written on the mirror telling you to have a good day so when you take a steamy shower, it appears.
Whatever the sweet gesture, he’s communicating that he’s thinking of you, even when you’re not together, and that’s a great sign.
3. He is Eager to Introduce You to Family and Friends
You’ve gone out with men who seem to dodge the opportunity to introduce you to people they care about, and this guy isn’t like that. He’s quick to plan a get together with his friends, and they seem happy to meet you.
As for his family, maybe that’s a weekend getaway back home or a dinner locally with Mom and Dad. Either way, you should know that he’s making a statement by introducing you to them.
4. You Catch Him Giving You “The Look”
One morning, you wake up to find him gazing—not staring—at you. He played it off with a joke, but you’ve seen him look at you like that before, and you’re not sure what it means.
Usually a loving glance is just that: it communicates how he feels about you, even if he isn’t ready to say the words.
5. The Way You Get Physical Has Changed
The sex is just as hot as ever…but different. There seems to be more emotion in it. You’d consider it “making love” over “having sex.” There’s more gazing into each other’s eyes…taking it slow…and he’s definitely prioritizing making you feel good.
6. He Does Thoughtful Things
When you start shivering at an outdoor restaurant, he immediately takes off his jacket and puts it around your shoulders.
Or maybe he remembers your favorite meal at the Chinese place down the street and orders it when you’re too busy to cook.
A man in love is one who thinks in terms of your happiness, not his. He’s not doing these things to get “points,” but simply to show you he cares.
7. He Makes an Effort with Your Friends and Family
Once he’s met the people who matter to you, it’s not a one-and-done. He makes a point of keeping up with what’s going on with them and asks about them regularly.
He suggests meeting up with your friends or family and makes an effort to get to know them and be a part of your clan. All good signs when you’re wondering, “how do I tell if he loves me?”
8. He’s Willing to Compromise
You’ve found gold when you find a man who realizes that relationships are based on compromises. Sometimes you’ll be happy…sometimes he will…and sometimes you each will settle for content in an effort to create balance in your relationship.
He’s not a “my way or the highway” kind of guy. Maybe you hate live concerts and he wants to go to one this weekend. He’ll compromise by going with his friend after having happy hour drinks with you.
Or maybe you love Mexican food and he loves sushi. He might let you pick the restaurant this week and then he’ll pick it next time. Compromises don’t have to be major to build a solid foundation for your relationship.
9. He Talks About the Future
This man is talking about all kinds of futures: from planning a weekend getaway in a few weeks to spending holidays together months out. Maybe he’s even talked about the two of you moving in together.
A man who’s thinking about a future with you in it is one who’s ready for love, or probably already in it.
10. He’s an Equal Partner
You know from personal experience that if a man isn’t all in, it shows in how he is in your relationship. He might try to control what you do…or maybe doesn’t care enough to weigh in on important decisions.
But a man in love wants to be there for you, to be an equal partner. He takes equal responsibility rather than letting you bear it all.
11. He Puts in as Much Effort as You Do
When it comes to planning dates, you both plan about the same number. You do thoughtful things. He does thoughtful things.
You can tell if he’s falling in love with you if there’s an equal balance of effort to see one another in the relationship.
12. He Wants to Introduce You to His Kids
If you’re dating a man with kids, it’s a big decision to introduce you to them. Essentially, doing so tells his kids you will be important to not only his life for the foreseeable future but also theirs.
So if he’s talking about you meeting them, know that it’s probably because he’s in love with you.
If He Loves Me, Why Hasn’t He Said It?
Okay, so you’re nodding with everything on this list that tells you he loves you…but he hasn’t said he loves you yet. What gives?
Don’t panic. There are a few reasons why he might be slow to profess his feelings.
His Past Relationships Have Made Him Gun Shy
You may not know everything about his past relationships, so you may not know how he was hurt and now has built a wall around his heart. He wants to open up to you…but he also doesn’t want to risk getting hurt again, so he’ll take his time to be sure of both his feelings and yours before he says those three little words.
He Isn’t Sure of Your Feelings
No one wants to risk saying “I love you” without it being reciprocated. So while he knows how he feels, he doesn’t know how you feel.
If you love him, give him signs similar to the ones above…or be brave and say it first!
Once he tells you he loves you…everything changes, or at least that’s what he thinks. The life of the single bachelor he once had will be officially over, and while that’s what he ultimately wants (a loving relationship), it can take some getting used to.
Change is scary. Be patient. He’ll come around.
He Doesn’t Know How
The last time this man told a woman he loved her might have been decades ago, so he may have no clue how to go about it at this point in his life. Give him plenty of opportunity: talk about your feelings and the relationship in general, leaving a window open for him to bravely speak his feelings.
I suspect that if you’re reading this article, it’s because you’ve already seen signs that the man you’re with is falling in love with you…or already there. But it never hurts to have validation, right?
Now you’ve got to figure out what you want to do about him being in love with you. Do you feel like you’re ready to reciprocate those feelings, or do you need some time to process how you feel about him? Do you want to wait for him to tell you he loves you, or do you want to be the first?
Leave a comment below on what you plan to do next!
P.S. If you want to learn the 7 little love steps to attracting long-lasting love, you can learn more here.