Have you found yourself asking the question, will I ever find love?
It seems to be the only thing anyone thinks about. As soon as we’re old enough to know about relationships, there’s significant pressure to find an amazing one and ditch our single status.
Our family, friends, and society expect it from us. And when you’re the only one in your social circle who hasn’t found love, it may start to weigh heavily on your heart.
Honestly, this has crossed my mind in the past. I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t worried about this at some point.
According to a recent study, the odds of any person finding love are one in 562! If those sound like tough odds, it’s because they are. But don’t panic. The great news is, there’s plenty you can do to increase your odds of finding love.
Will I ever find love? Yes! Here are 15 ways to make it happen sooner rather than later.
1. Firstly, remember that you are already complete.
I’ve got news for you ladies. If you find yourself wondering will you ever find love, it’s time to look closer to home. By that, I mean look to yourself.
YOU are the one you have been looking for because love begins with you.
Stop waiting for a man to come along and “complete” you or be your “other half.” You are whole on your own. When you finally understand and embrace this, you’ll feel lighter and happier. You’ll radiate this infectious energy that magnetizes men towards you.
But you have to start showing up for yourself first. Start practicing self love each day. A loving relationship with yourself will help you open your heart to another and remind you that you are loveable.
2. Realize that you deserve to find love.
In case you haven’t told yourself this lately—you deserve to find love as much as anybody else does.
If you’ve been thinking limiting, unworthy thoughts, today is the day to replace them with positive words of encouragement. Because if you feel unworthy of love, you subconsciously close yourself off from the possibility of it.
But when you believe you’re worthy, you’re telling men that you know you’re an amazing woman, and that’s attractive. Humans pick up on that subtle energy.
Believing you deserve love is linked to knowing and celebrating your unique gifts and qualities and everything you have to offer someone. It’s not easy to view your value as a potential partner from a man’s perspective. But when you have a better sense of the value you can bring to a relationship, you can save yourself a tonne of wasted time and energy by focusing on men who recognize your worth.
3. How to find love: Look into your past.
It’s time to take a look at your dating history and past relationships. Are there any patterns here that keep occurring over and over again?
For example, do you keep pursuing emotionally unavailable men? Are you stopping yourself from being in a serious relationship? Do you keep on being ghosted, and you have no idea what you’re doing wrong?
This is known as self-sabotage.
“When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners. We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.”
—Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist.
The good news is, it’s not your fault, it’s him. He was the wrong guy for you.
The bad news is, you picked him!
You see, you can’t control a guy’s behavior. But what you can control is the kind of guy you choose to date and pursue.
4. What is triggering you to make poor choices?
You might have heard the saying, “you don’t choose who you love.” This is BS. You do choose who you love. It’s a choice, just like any other choice you make every day. You choose what you eat for breakfast. Who to be friends with. And who to date and give your energy and time to.
So if you find you’re choosing the wrong men, it’s time to ask yourself why. What keeps triggering you to make choices that aren’t in your best interests?
Because when you understand the trigger, you can change it.
You can change your repetitive relational patterns, so you stop sabotaging your chances of finding love. A dating coach or therapist can help you with this, and it’ll be worth the investment.
5. Get clear on the kind of man you want.
It’s now time to make a list of the kind of qualities you’re seeking in a man and the traits you desire in a partnership. This is part of Little Love Step #2 of our 7 Little Love Steps, which centers on creating your love vision.
For example, is it important to you that a man is intellectual? Does he need to love traveling to unexplored parts of the world as much as you do? Do you want a man who wants to get married and have kids?
Make your list, and then for each item, ask yourself why this is important to you.
When you do this, you’ll find that while some things do genuinely matter to you, others won’t, and you can cross them off. It will help you get clear on the kind of man you’re looking for, which will help you find him.
6. Don’t settle, but don’t have an endless checklist either.
If you’re always wondering will you ever find love, it may be because you’re too picky.
Now, I’m not telling you to lower your standards because you’re right to set the bar high. After all, this is key to attracting a high-value man.
However, if you have a tonne of deal breakers on a foot-long checklist of must-have qualities, you may want to re-think your approach.
Love is not black and white. The man you end up falling in love with may look different from the kind of man you’ve got written down on paper. Maintain your high standards, but be open to being surprised by someone who looks different than you imagined.
7. Accept yourself as you are.
Did you know that how you think about yourself impacts your mental health and your future success? A person who accepts themselves has high self-esteem and self-worth. And people like this are more resilient and able to overcome the many challenges life throws their way.
That means when you practice self-acceptance, you’re more likely to succeed when it comes to dating and finding love. Because regardless of how many bad dates you go on or how many relationships haven’t worked out, you have the inner strength to pick yourself back up and know that you’ll be okay.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. There are things people will love about you and other things that people won’t. And every person you date will have their good and bad qualities too.
Self-acceptance is about accepting yourself as you are—including your flaws. When you accept yourself, you’re less likely to focus on your flaws and more likely to show yourself love.
8. Take care of yourself.
Are you taking care of yourself on a day-to-day basis? Self-care is linked with self-love, and it’s something you should be prioritizing in your life because it centers around you.
Many women have learned to prioritize everyone else’s needs ahead of their own out of fear of looking selfish or because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do. But this is not what you’re here for, and this doesn’t serve you or anybody else.
When your cup is full, you will feel amazing, and you are then able to give fully to the things and people you choose to.
So start taking care of yourself, because you deserve it. That means your health (mental and physical), career, finances, and social life. If you don’t care about yourself, then how can anybody else?
9. Vibrate positive energy.
“If you’re not a happy, positive, self-confident person, you cut your chances of being in the right space for the right kind of person,”
—Pepper Schwartz, relationship expert and sociology professor.
The Law of Attraction is real. Our energy attracts similar energy to us. You know this is true because when someone is continuously moaning or complaining, you want to get as far away from them as you can and fast, right?
If you’re in a negative headspace, you’ll attract someone with similar energy or subconsciously repel great men. So if you want to attract a positive, happy man into your life, then you have to start embodying those qualities within yourself first.
The truth is, everything in life can either be a problem or an opportunity. So next time life throws a curveball your way, try shifting your mindset and approach. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine and ignoring real issues. But think about how you can learn and grow from this experience. This is what positive people do, and this is one of the best strategies for finding love.
10. Put yourself out there.
When you wonder will you ever find love, you have to ask yourself if you’re setting yourself up for success.
Are you putting yourself out there, saying yes, and increasing your chances of meeting someone? Or are you continually saying no to invites and waiting at home for love to find you?
You’re not going to meet any amazing men on your sofa!
If you’re serious about meeting someone, then get out there and start meeting people. Say yes to invites. Try dating apps, ask friends to set you up on blind dates, give speed dating a try.
Make an effort to be more social, even if you’re naturally shy or introverted. The more you do this, the easier it will become. And getting out of your comfort zone is how you grow as a person.
One of the best ways to meet a great guy is to go somewhere where people have similar interests to you. That might mean joining a gym or a hiking group, taking a local cooking class, or booking a holiday for singletons. At the very least, you’ll meet some like-minded people and make a new friend.
11. Be active online and off.
Online dating is a great way to connect with many single guys you might not usually meet. You can also quickly filter on the kind of man you’re looking for and go straight for the guys that are a potentially good match for you.
But while I recommend you stay active on dating apps and websites, I also believe it’s vital you stay open to meeting people in real life too.
That means putting your phone down when you’re out and looking around. You never know where you’ll meet your next partner. Maybe in the grocery store, on a train while you’re on the way to work, or at the bar next time you’re out with your girlfriends.
The benefit of meeting a man in real life is you can gauge more quickly whether there’s a connection. When you’re texting, you don’t have the tempo of the conversation or body language to vibe off. Plus, you can’t have a deep, meaningful conversation through a phone, but you can face to face.
12. Think less romance and more partnership.
Romance is what most women get tricked into wanting from all the meet-cutes in those movies you watch growing up. You’re taught that love is a fairytale, and while romance is fun on occasions, you can’t build a successful partnership with that alone.
So if you’re looking for real, lasting love, focus less on finding a man who sweeps you off your feet. Instead, look for a man who respects you, is kind, makes you laugh, and someone you can count on. This is a great foundation to build on. Even if the “spark” isn’t initially there, this can grow in time as your emotions deepen.
Pleasure is wonderful, but real partnerships are built on seeking purpose.
13. You will find love if you grow every day.
The brilliant thing about being single is you have an opportunity to figure out the kind of life you want to live, the sort of woman you want to be, and do it. You have all this time to get to know yourself intimately, challenge yourself, and grow.
This is what life is all about—reaching the highest evolution of your soul.
And when you focus on growth, you become a better and wiser version of yourself. You’ll be in a stronger position to navigate the dating world. You’ll be less likely to be seduced by the wrong guy and more likely to recognize when a man is right for you when they come along.
If you want a high-value man, then practice what you preach and commit to being the best version of you that you can be.
“Keep challenging yourself to evolve every day, and you’ll never have to settle again,”
—Elsa Moreck, dating coach.
14. Know when to walk away.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have, because it was comfortable and safe, or you were afraid of being alone?
Some of us are so eager to find love that we settle for less than we deserve, or we pretend everything is okay when it’s not.
Optimism is essential, but so is being real with yourself. If you’re excusing poor behavior or telling yourself what you want to hear instead of what a guy is telling you, it’s probably time to walk away.
Remember, the time you spend with the wrong man is time you could use to find the right man.
15. When you do meet someone you like, don’t rush it.
It’s normal to be excited when you meet someone you’re attracted to. But my advice here is to go slow, which is number 5 of our Little Love Steps—pace the progression of your connections.
When you have a good connection with someone, give it time and space to grow organically. Don’t play games, and don’t rush things. You won’t have to manipulate anything if this is truly the right man for you.
And don’t put all your eggs in one basket too soon, either. Keep your options open, and don’t commit to anyone until you’ve both talked about being exclusive.
Conclusion: Don’t give up and enjoy the journey—you will find love.
News flash: dating should be fun. If it’s not, then you’re approaching it the wrong way.
Like all things in life, the destination is what we focus on because that’s what we ultimately desire. But life is about the journey. It’s about the process of getting there, and everything you learn, and the experiences and memories you make along the way.
So the next time you find yourself asking, will I ever find love? Remind yourself you will, take ownership of your love life, and enjoy making it happen.
I’d love to know what has and hasn’t worked for you in the past. Have you tried one of these love strategies out and experienced success with it?
Let me know in the comments below.
Also, if you’d like to join me on a brand new webinar to learn “why men flake, avoid commitment and consistently ghost until they meet a woman who’s following these 7 simple steps”, then register here (it’s 100% free).